Whoopee Cushions, Handerpants and Unicorn Masks…Oh, My!

Long ago, Canyon VP Ann Sprague would create a Christmas wish list for her parents to find inspiration from during the holidays. This wasn’t a kid’s list, but something she started in her twenties. Throughout the year, Ann would collect items cut from catalogs she found amusing, bizarre or completely out of the price range, and neatly tape them to pieces of 8″x11″ paper. It was meant to look janky.

In early December, she would “present” her wish list book to Mom and Dad. Her parents knew this was all in good fun and anticipated the list with great excitement each year – or, at least feigned interest.

Many of the items were culled from the Archie McPhee catalog, back when catalogs were a bigger thing. Going beyond the standard Whoopee Cushion and Rubber Chicken, the McPhee catalog is a treasure trove of items like Handerpants, Formal Handerpants (which are black) and Squirrel in Underpants (which Ann happens to own, along with two Crazy Cat Lady Starter Kits).

If you’re looking for Creepy Horse Head, they have plenty to choose from and offer unicorn masks, too. The copy reads:  Latex mask with realistic fur mane, express your inner-unicorn, perfect for crowds, concerts, and carousing and fits most adult heads.

Most adult heads?

It goes on:  This beautiful white-maned Unicorn Mask will let you be the REAL you. No more will you have to pretend to be a simple, mundane human. Now you can unleash your inner-unicorn and lead the life you were meant to lead. Focus on important things like creativity, glitter, rainbows, hope for humanity, finding the beauty in things, disliking pegasi, eating tacos on Tuesday, living the dream, self-care, gratuitous interpretive dancing, and magic!

Emergency Goat Sounds is an electronic device that, at the push of a button, provides four sounds — scream, bleat, kids and goats. Who doesn’t need that?

New products for the year include this hideous little beauty, the Groaning Blobfish. The Groaning Blobfish is popular around the office. Whenever something goes wrong, we give it a gentle squeeze and its brief snorting groan perfectly encapsulates the feeling of a minor problem.

Here’s the Pagan Breakfast God Mask description:  ALL RISE FOR THE DEITY OF DAYBREAK DINING. Breakfast and brunch are important! Why not be a Pagan Breakfast God? The sun is rising and your belly is empty, bow down before the lord of breakfast and receive the bounty of coffee and bacon! Sure to have people noticing you as you dig into your Moons Over My Hammy or while you eat a breakfast burrito in your car in the parking lot before work.

Speaking of bacon…they have a Bacon & Meat product line, too. Though primarily focused on pork, like Bacon Bandages, Bacon Air Freshener and Bacon Soap, they also offer a full-sized Inflatable Turkey and an “extra squishy” Stress Turkey guaranteed to “gobble up your anxiety during the holidays.”

The story of how Archie McPhee came into being is hilarious and definitely worth a read. Or, just perusing the products and reading the descriptions will make for a fun afternoon.

Shopping online is nice, but there’s a brick-and-mortar Archie McPhee store in Seattle. You can see the “ever-changing oddities” in person. And, don’t miss “The Wallingford Beast!” It’ll knock your Bigfoot Socks off.